Flight MM023 from Osaka, Japan
Destination from Taipei Taoyuan International Airport
Departure Time: 7:50
5:23am Wake up in a panic 7 minutes before your alarm goes off, brush your teeth, pack your bag, leave the hostel
5:42 Navigate Japanese subterranean maze, board subway from Higobashi Station
5:55 Board 6am bus to Osaka International Airport
5:57 Realize your flight does not leave from Osaka International Airport, grab your bags, get off the bus
6:10 Find the hidden second floor mall entrance to Nankai-Namba Train Station
6:28 Board Train to Kansai Airport
6:29 Learn your arrival time will be 35 minutes before your international flight
6:30 Learn that check-in closes 50 minutes before departure time
6:30–7:13 Despair
7:14 Train arrives, doors open, you run, mostly in the wrong directions
7:28 Get turned away by cute ticket agent, give up on life, go buy a candy bar
7:33 Ticket agent finds you in airport 7/11 she says “Mr. David, I’ve called manager, please hurry.”
7:33 Fall in love with ticket agent
7:36 Reach security, remember you have water, try to dump it out, you’re not allowed to dump out water, drink it, all, it runs down your beard, you’re causing a scene
7:39 Lie to customs agent, agree that, yes you’re going back to American after Taiwan
7:42 Run
7:46 Arrive at gate, you still have Japanese pocket wifi in a prepaid return envelope in your backpack
7:48 Coerce airport employee into taking your package, explain while backing away, you are not a drug mule
7:49 Run across Tarmac like Rocky
7:50 You have successfully boarded flight MM023 🎉